Reading Khristian’s latest post in her delightful newsletter, , I was reminded of my time as a personal stylist at a women’s clothing boutique. As much as the experience still qualified as retail hell, I had some wonderful bonding moments with my clients. One was a breast cancer survivor who was buying her first clothes after receiving a double mastectomy. We cried and celebrated as we found apparel that helped her feel whole again. On less momentous occasions (but no less important), it was so satisfying to watch women dance around in the mirror in a pair of pants, a top, or a dress I had brought them to try, knowing that was always the sign that they felt beautiful.
One day, a woman came in looking to spice up her wardrobe. As usual, I went around looking for items that fit her requests, and for fun, threw in a couple of ‘outside-of-her box’ items that I knew would look great on her. One was a striped top.
Her eyes grew wide with delight, but soon narrowed in skepticism. “Oh no. I can’t do stripes. My mother always told me that stripes made me look fat.” I held it out to her anyway and told her to give it a try. She humored me, and when I checked in on her, she was staring at the mirror with stars in her eyes and stripes on her bod. She was truly delighted—she even allowed herself a small version of the dance.
To my dismay, when she came to the counter with her ‘yes’ pile, it was void of stripes. She looked at me sadly and apologetically, saying, “I just couldn’t do it.”
Now, many of us look at clothing as a mere frivolity, and of course it can be. We can place too much value on it, especially when we spend tons of money on items that won’t fill the void we are ignoring.
But your clothes are an expression of yourself. They don’t have to be spendy or trendy, but they should be items that make YOU feel good. (You know, the clothes we wear for other women, and not for men?!) And when you won’t wear something you like and feel good in, that denial comes from a place that needs exploring.
Who else knows you as you do?
When we live in our truth, we are aligned with our elemental self. When we are aligned, we are more likely to reach the pinnacle of our desires. We follow our hearts and our feelings, ignoring messages that say we ‘shouldn’t.’ And when we carry ourselves in our truth, we also attract people and things that help us get to where we want to go.
Don’t say no to stripes merely because someone lied to you years ago. (I’m here to break the stripe myth.) When this client did so, she was telling herself:
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My feelings and opinions don’t matter.
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My outward appearance is more important than who I am.
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I allow others to judge how I carry myself, or how I am ‘labeled.’
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“Fat” is bad. (And “fat” is a perception.)
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I can’t trust my own gut feelings or joyful reactions.
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Other people are allowed to dictate my happiness and self-worth because of their own hang-ups.
I could go on and on. And of course, this goes way beyond our wardrobe. If she is denying the joy that comes from a few innocent stripes, what else is she keeping from herself?
If you find yourself recalling or experiencing messages you follow blindly without truly aligning with them, where may it lead you? Is that where you want to go?
When you find yourself unsure of your direction but suspect you don’t want to continue on your current path, taking the time and effort to sit in and explore the liminal space you live in—the neither here nor there—can help you redirect.
Next time you respond to yourself with, “Oh, I shouldn’t,” or “Oh, I have to,” think about where those directions are coming from. These ingrained mindsets are meaningful and worthwhile prompts to journal about and/or pull tarot or oracle cards to help you explore!!
XOSusie
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