Dear Diary…

…today, I had an epiphany. (okay, it was probably four days ago, and it took me this long to write it down, but isn’t time a construct?)

I got that nagging feeling that I NEEDED to do a Substack post. That I SHOULD be better about posting regularly. That I’ve GOT to think of something witty and wonderful about the tarot and writing, and make it seem like life is so damn exciting and don’t I have the very best things to say about it?

And then I felt gross. And then I thought to myself, “What if you stopped writing what you think you should and just connect with your readers?” That didn’t make me feel gross. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve got the same vibe going with social media.

I had breakfast with my newly retired writer-friend Jill the other day. I don’t remember how the whole astrology thing surfaced in our conversation, but she is more well-versed in it than I am. I was probably complaining about how my Virgo-sun-self feels very rebellious these days, how rebellion and shiny object syndrome never seemed to align with that practical zodiac sign. When I reminded her that my ascendant, or rising sign, is in Aquarius, she nodded, giving me a description that feels much more spot-on for who I am now. Independent, unconventional, eccentric, visionary, social yet reserved. Check, check, check. Honestly, I recently learned that my whole chart is a mess of contradictions—and it made me feel better. The pragmatic woo-woo in me raises an eyebrow at basing one’s entire existence and such information, but it was reassuring…at least there is a reason I’m so weird.

When I know I need to do something, I fight it. Even if it’s something I love to do, I have to keep it free and easy, because if I put too many parameters on it, the ol’ rebel in me comes up with a cause to push against it. It’s very frustrating.

And what does all this mean with my newsletter? My epiphany made me revisit why I started it in the first place. Well, to practice my skills. To create the dreaded ‘platform’ that will allow others to get to know what I do, and hopefully be interested in whatever the hell that is. But is all of that my WHY? Not really.

I write this newsletter to connect. THIS is why I write, THIS is why I read the tarot, THIS is why I love cemeteries and horror movies and questioning spirituality and probing the mysteries of life. My biggest goal in life is to connect with myself, who I really am, under the wall I’ve built around my subconscious. My second-largest is to connect with like-minded souls who love to laugh about irreverent things, explore the magic of life and death, and the liminal space we live in between.

My ultimate Why is to have connexion. And yes, I’m purposely replacing the ‘ct’ with an ‘x’ because I recently discovered that’s how the word was originally written. That delights me to no end, because it makes the word completely authentic, which is the only kind of connection I’m interested in.

So with this, dear diary, we circle back around. I will still be writing about what I’m up to. I will definitely still be talking up the tarot, as it’s pretty much a daily part of my life, and I LOVE sharing how helpful and inspiring it is for anyone who loves to write, create, and learn about themselves. But my goal now is to connect, to start a conversation, to ‘talk’ about everything and nothing and all that aforementioned stuff in between. No more ‘shoulds’ or ‘have-tos.’ Just me and my unadulterated thoughts, ramblings, discoveries, ahas, and oh-shits. Girls want to have fun, and this girl wants to get REAL.

No perfection, just connexion.

I hope you’ll stay along for this ride and feel moved to join in the conversation. I’m grateful for you.

Until next entry! Mwah!