Mother’s Day. Such a loaded holiday—like all of them, I guess.
Oh, I’m not so sour that I don’t appreciate a day that recognizes the FULL TIME JOB that is momming.
And I always like to remind people how being a mother is the ultimate feminine nurturing energy—and that extends to however you mother. If you have pets, young relatives, your neighbor’s kids, your plants…your SELF (that one, especially)…you are a mother of some sort. No matter how you identify, even if you are of the male gender…when you act in a nurturing way, that’s mothering. (It’s also fathering, of course, but that’s a whole other post.)
A long time ago, I had an idea for a Mother’s Day greeting card. Something fresh, something unique, something that expresses the sentiment for the Rest of Us.
As you can see, the Maverick in me has been in full swing for a while. The idea of this has always made me laugh, but honestly, wouldn’t it be satisfying to send this to someone? The person who belittled you, who treated you horribly, the partner who swore they were over their bitchy ex and went back to them a week later. The person who was supposed to mother you, and didn’t.
Now, this is loaded, too. Anyone who goes through the pain and effort of childbirth does so with good intentions, I have to believe. Sometimes people are so damaged by their own garbage that they can’t clear the path enough to make way for loving you. It’s on them to get help—there is no free pass, here—but. But. We are flawed humans after all.
And to this I would say, if you so choose, it isn’t really “Thanks for nothing.” When you are ready, if it feels right, you can turn their shitty treatment of you into a lesson. Recognize your self-worth. Think about how you treat others.
Sometimes, when things are especially heinous, it’s pretty hard to forgive. Here’s an unpopular opinion—they may not even deserve it. No matter what the conventionally religious society drills into your head (but often doesn’t do), WE DON’T HAVE TO FORGIVE. Forgiveness should be asked for and earned, by words or deeds.
People say it’s not healthy to hold anger—I don’t believe that’s true. Anger IS healthy. It’s a parameter for our true feelings.
But it’s better for us, and more helpful, if we can allow ourselves to feel the anger, eventually stand up to it, and then try to understand it. Let it become a slow simmer that motivates you, while you also let yourself soften. You don’t have to forgive, but you can accept. Accept that people are going to people, and often their treatment has more to do with themselves than you. It’s being in that liminal space I talk about—as above, so below, and it’s not easy to do. But I always say, accepting liminal space is where you actually find peace.
So! Print this card and mail it to that creep—you don’t have to sign it. Or print it and put it on your bulletin board as a reminder that YOU are in control of your feelings, and you’re getting stronger every day.
In Motherfucking Love, Susie
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